I smell stomach acid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
