i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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