I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
send nudes
from the living room?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
