I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
