Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
