it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
