I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
