I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She told me I should be a condom model.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
