I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
