My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
