I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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