Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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