I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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