Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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