omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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