In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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