We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
