I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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