Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
