every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
