'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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