ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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