all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
home. puking in laundry basket.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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