Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
