Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
