Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
