you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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