A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
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