So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
