How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
