I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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