Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
