Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
