this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
