Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
