You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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