I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
