your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
