what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
