I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
