I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
