every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
