just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
