batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
