1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
