the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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