So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
