well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Randomize
