it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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