i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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