who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
