ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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