Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
