Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
