I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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