its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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