I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
