i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
