remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
