i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
