sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
