My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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