id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
