Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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